Wednesday, August 3, 2011

august third.

Today's the third. There is nothing pleasant about this day. Not at all.

On this day exactly two years ago, in the early evening...my mom got a phone call. It was my cousin Vanessa telling her that my aunt and uncle died in a multiple-car accident because an 18-wheeler driver decided not to stop...

Before August 3rd, 2009, I didn't know anything about death, dying, the shock that accompanies death, or the grief process.

Before August 3rd, 2009, I hadn't gone through anything so tragic so fast...

Before August 3rd, 2009, I had never seen people absolutely, completely, utterly broken.


But after this day, two years ago today...


I remember falling on my kitchen floor after I got the news because I did not have the strength to stand up anymore.

I remember grabbing my big brother by the arm as he grabbed mine because we literally HAD TO hold each other up.

I remember my former youth pastor Kimberly driving me to Vanessa's and my silent prayer that our faith would not falter because of this...

I remember seeing Alicia and Shelby, doing the only thing I wanted to do...and hugging them tightly.

I remember laying down on the grass in Vanessa and Ryan's front yard because I could not breathe anymore in the house.

I remember looking up at the sky and wondering what was going on...and why Aunt Kim and Uncle Anthony weren't around.


I remember the next morning, after a terrible, restless night...going downstairs and not having anything to say, and not being able to feel anything...

I remember my mom coming in from a walk, telling us that she had asked God that morning how in the world the sun was still shining...

I remember that Friday morning, at the funeral, being doubled over in my seat during the slide show, seeing their smiling faces in every picture.


I remember.


On my part, the grief is not nearly as bad today. I do not cry every time I remember them anymore. I do not silently scream out to God, asking Him why...now every now and then, I ask Him calmly why they just couldn't have stayed a little bit longer...I imagine what things would be like if they were still here...

God is on His throne. He knows. He knows just as much as He did on that day, two years ago.


I promised her the weekend before that I would come visit her more often.......

Sometimes, I look at people who go out to lunch and go hang out over at their aunt and uncles'...and I remember that's the way it's supposed to be...


There is a reason, and I am thankful I will see them again soon and very soon. But in the meantime, to the beautiful, caring woman and the godly, redneck teddy bear man that I had the privilege of spending so much of my childhood with...


I love you both. And I miss you with my whole heart. I'll cry enough for all of us at Shelby's wedding on Friday. Wish you were here, but know you are in a pain-free, worry-less, beautiful place with your Creator.


Praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ-who has sent His Spirit to be our Comforter and Guide, who has never left us or forsaken us, and has never been less than perfect. Praise God that He does not get tired of our complaining and our anger and bitterness in grief, and that He promises to carry us to completion. And praise Him for the lives of my precious aunt and uncle.


YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS, NEVER GIVES UP, NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME!

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